My sorrow and my shame

My sorrow

I have tried to put forth a gospel in scripture the church refused to believe.  Although this gospel is in scripture, it for some reason is unseen.  This is the gospel that the book of Acts testifies to when it says in the last part of the book that Paul preached in Rome from the books of Moses and the prophets. 

From the Law of Moses this in a nutshell is Paul’s gospel from our New Testament:

God imputed to Abraham righteousness because of his faith.  His faith added nothing to this righteousness that God gave him, but through his faith he received what God alone can do for man.

God made an everlasting covenant with Abraham and his descendents and gave the seal of circumcision.  Paul testifies that this seal was a seal of righteousness that Abraham received not because he obeyed the order to circumcise but because he believed God before he was circumcised.  This is how Abraham before the Law was credited righteousness by God outside of any effort of his own.  Abraham was our example of how we are imputed righteousness not from the Law but by faith.

Paul also taught this was imputed to him because he put his belief into action making it a living faith.  Scripture tells us by putting his faith to action he left the land of his fathers and sojourned in a land not his own.  He believed God when He said that, “you are the father of many nations.”  He offered his son believing God to raise Him from the dead, for he did not doubt the promises.  Paul says Abraham hoped against all hope.

Paul still teaching from the Law of Moses instructs us that this covenant of imputed righteousness was not just for Abraham but his descendents.  This is why it was an everlasting covenant.  Paul adds to the sons of Abraham by telling gentiles we too are now included in this blessing of Abraham through Christ.  The crowd that Paul preached to was not the first to be imputed righteousness but were part of a long line of those God has been giving His gospel of imputed righteousness to.

This is why Hebrews tells us those at Mt. Sinai had the same gospel preached to them as we do today.  But how did the chosen people of God’s election treat His gospel.  Moses took it lightly and God was about to kill him on his way to Egypt until his wife circumcised their son.  God was not going to let his prophet start off on the wrong foot by making light of the seal of righteousness God gave them.

From then on His people have continued to make light of the righteousness God gave them.  They sought their own through the Law, causing Paul to say they rejected the righteousness of God because they worked for it, instead of accepting it by faith.

Others rejected the righteousness of God by ignoring what Moses commanded them and rejected all righteousness.  But a few, like David, understood what God had done and today we use his voice in scripture to talk of our own salvation.  Yet this is a man who we would say is Old Testament and couldn’t possibly have our gospel.

Now today, we have nothing on Abraham and we have all gone our own way.  Some of us who believe have gone into unrighteousness.  Others have gone the way of the Law, but some of us truly do have faith.

Because I preach this gospel that Paul preached from the Law of Moses and the prophets I am scorned, made light of, taken off others web sights and looked at as a spiritual sicko. 

Forget the implications of a people who put confidence that the grace of God has sealed them, when we see the grace of God not sealing anyone who did not approach him with living faith.  They can’t fathom God imputing to the people of Israel His righteousness, which they like us do not deserve.  Now do they understand from the Moses and the prophets they too had our gospel and our hope of salvation.  Now we too being grafted into Abraham have the same promises.

But this gospel has made me distasteful to the church, my insistence on the truth of this gospel Paul preached from the Law of Moses and the prophets, even has me at odds with those who have been the closest to me for the longest time.  Truly I am alone in this.

At times my conviction of the truth of this gospel clashes with my multiple rejections and attacks to cause me such a sorrow in my soul that I feel like I have a huge rip in the inner part of my soul.  I at times fell overwhelmed with grief, the people of God reject what Paul has preached to us in the New Testament from the Law of Moses and the Prophets, as if we have some new gospel from him.  Sometimes I feel my sorrow on this more than I can bear, and standing alone I have to cry out to the one who promised us His gospel.

My shame

At times I have proven myself all to human and reacted to those who have attacked me, attacked the gospel I preach, keeping themselves blind and all their hearers.  Instead of responding like I feel I should I have attacked back.

I think back to the man of God who called fire down two times on those who came to get him.  Is my cause any different than his?  He preached to the people of God too and they would not listen either.  They to had already found their answers. 

To my shame, I at times do not know if I am coming or going.  At times, in the pain I feel, I wished I had never started this, but the turmoil inside of me will rip me apart, I fear if, I don’t continue. 

To my shame I have not been with the Lord like I need, to be able to preach the gospel of Paul and like Paul say,

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.[1]


[1] I Corinthians 2:4-5